Your wrapped Spotify is embarrassing and I want to see it

What is the normal number of minutes??
Photo-Illustration: by The Cut; Photo: Spotify

Every year when Spotify launches Center pack – interactive components where obviously developed by a student intern – we all competed to see which songs we read and which artists we played the most. How many minutes did we listen? Is that a normal number? We can’t wait to see Spotify’s pretty little slides of our good taste and variety! And then our corrupt truth was revealed.

In fact, all of our Spotify Wrapped stats are embarrassing, and posting about them is the most vulnerable. We’re in our 30s and one of our most listened to songs this year is about a 17 year old girl getting her driver’s license. We’ve included Dance Pop in our top music genres list – when was the last time we went dancing? Someone named Jason Stephenson is on our list of top artists because we listen to his sleep music every night. He’s currently sitting in our Spotify Wrapped Between Beyoncé and Ariana Grande. We all have a song in the top 100 that raises some questions. Mine is “Werewolf Bar Mitzvah,” from 30 Stones.

What I hear is none of your business, but I’ll tell you anyway. Because it’s Spotify Wrapped season, and I’m just celebrating accordingly. I listened to a lot of BROCKHAMPTON, Remi Wolf, Doja Cat, CHIKA and Cardi B, in that order, according to my most played artists? Guaranteed! But I see this as Spotify’s cheeky dig into the fact that I turn on BROCKHAMPTON’s “STAR” every time I leave the house. Why? I do not know! There’s a part in Remi Wolf’s “Monte Carlo” where she sings, “You’re not my mom, you’re not my dad, you’re my little boyfriend,” and I played that part of the song More and more and more. Spotify Wrapped is a reminder that I am a creature of habit, and my habits are insults!

This year, Spotify added a aura of sound with Wrap, come up with a few words and colors to “describe” our taste in music. Mine is convinced and bold, and I agree. I felt very impressed listening to “Up” by Cardi B, every day for a month. Speaking of which, you might be wondering why there’s a suspicious shortage of songs you’ve been looping lately. That’s because the cut-off date for what Spotify includes in these recaps is mid-November, so you can expect to see a lot of Adele’s 30 and Taylor Swift Ruin Jake Gyllenhaal in Your Spotify Wrapped 2022.