Trick or treat: Sorting all 32 NFL teams as contenders or pretenders with Halloween candy comparisons

Week 8 would not simply mark the unofficial halfway level of the 2021 NFL season (darn you, 17-game schedule!). It additionally marks Halloween weekend! Within the spirit of the season, we determined to evaluate all 32 groups as Oct. 31 approaches, classifying every one as a contender or pretender — a trick or a deal with, to be exact. And never simply that, however we have additionally in contrast every staff to a Halloween sweet! How cute, proper?

Anyway, let’s get proper to it, you ghouls and goblins:

Trick or Deal with: Deal with
Sweet comparability: Pop Rocks

They’re simply too darn explosive. Each time you assume you have obtained them pinned down, they remind you of their firepower. From Kyler Murray to DeAndre Hopkins to Zach Ertz, they’re just like the Chiefs of years previous when it comes to pure offensive weaponry.

Trick or Deal with: Trick
Sweet comparability: Airheads

Nobody actually cares about them anymore. Matt Ryan is taking part in properly, truly, however they want rather more assist earlier than they will contend.

Trick or Deal with: Deal with
Sweet comparability: Snickers

Nothing wakes you up greater than seeing Lamar Jackson with the ball in his arms.

Trick or Deal with: Deal with
Sweet comparability: Equipment Kat

They go lengthy, they usually ship. Josh Allen’s electrical energy is a tad missed due to the quantity of different MVP-caliber QBs proper now.

Trick or Deal with: Trick
Sweet comparability: Razzles

They have been kinda cool to start out, however now that they’ve had time to settle, they’re mushy and tasteless. Sam Darnold, you fooled us all.

Trick or Deal with: Trick
Sweet comparability: Bag of pretzels

So, so dry. What’s there to be enthusiastic about right here, in addition to their outdated, banged-up cross rush? You possibly can guess Allen Robinson is salty.

Trick or Deal with: Deal with
Sweet comparability: Junior Mints

Surprisingly potent, they’re the product of an ideal match: chocolate and mint — er, Joe Burrow and Ja’Marr Chase.

Trick or Deal with: Trick
Sweet comparability: Crunch

They have the best stuff, however their foundational items are all crunchy and brittle. Baker Mayfield wants his backfield (and himself) wholesome to maintain this staff rolling down the stretch.

Trick or Deal with: Deal with
Sweet comparability: 100 Grand

Costly and chock-full of expertise regardless of their poor historical past among the many elites, the Cowboys have the weapons — between Dak Prescott, Ezekiel Elliott, CeeDee Lamb and Amari Cooper — to problem nearly anybody.

Trick or Deal with: Trick
Sweet comparability: Tootsie Rolls

Not dangerous in the event you can dig a plain, old-school, uninventive strategy, however a foundational trio of Vic Fangio, Pat Shurmur and Teddy Bridgewater was at all times going to be satisfactory, and nothing extra.

Trick or Deal with: Trick
Sweet comparability: Hershey’s bar

So predictable (and subsequently hardly a winner), however you additionally at all times know what you are gonna get with Dan Campbell: a struggle.

Trick or Deal with: Deal with
Sweet comparability: Reese’s Items

Just like the peanut butter candies masked in brown, orange and yellow, Aaron Rodgers‘ Packers uniform could not mark his true identification as a lone warrior, destined to personal or break up from Inexperienced Bay, however boy is the combo working.

Trick or Deal with: Trick
Sweet comparability: Arduous candies

What are they doing right here? Tyrod Taylor? Danny Amendola? David Johnson? What is that this, a era in the past?

Indianapolis Colts

Trick or Deal with: Deal with
Sweet comparability: Krackel

Brittle and crunched up at first, they appear to have hit a candy spot, with Carson Wentz feeling extra like himself and the protection beginning to flip it on.

Trick or Deal with: Trick
Sweet comparability: Bag of peanuts

You may discover ’em on the bar, however that does not imply they are not dry and salty and often left over from years in the past.

Kansas Metropolis Chiefs

Trick or Deal with: Trick
Sweet comparability: Nerds

All flash, little oomph. With Patrick Mahomes, they’re at all times as frenetic as a sugared-up child, for higher or worse. Their offense is rarely not colourful, however compelled to hold the entire burden, it lastly appears rather less imposing.

Trick or Deal with: Trick
Sweet comparability: Heath bar

Strong now, they’re by no means remembered by the tip of the season. Look, Derek Carr has been nice, they usually know how one can play robust, however we’re only a bit skeptical they have what it takes to hold with the large canines down the stretch. Show us fallacious!

Trick or Deal with: Deal with
Sweet comparability: Smarties

Brandon Staley is a whizkid, even when their protection has slipped up at instances. So is Justin Herbert, who’ll maintain them going all yr.

Trick or Deal with: Deal with
Sweet comparability: PayDay

Between Matthew Stafford and Cooper Kupp and Robert Woods and DeSean Jackson, the Rams are like an meeting of rock-solid items atop the candy foundational glaze that’s Sean McVay.

Trick or Deal with: Trick
Sweet comparability: Orbit gum

As a result of they’re residing in a unique world — one wherein the QB they only drafted No. 5 general is just not their QB in any respect.

Trick or Deal with: Trick
Sweet comparability: Tootsie Pop

Very aggressive, particularly with Kirk Cousins slinging it properly and Justin Jefferson popping off, however by the tip, the stage is at all times a contact too huge for them.

Trick or Deal with: Trick
Sweet comparability: Whoppers

Their fame and title recognition is beginning to outweigh their worth. Sure, Invoice Belichick could have one thing in Mac Jones, however they nonetheless really feel a yr or two away from a fuller revitalization.

Trick or Deal with: Deal with
Sweet comparability: Wax bottles

When you get previous the constraints of the offense they’ve constructed, there’s fairly a little bit of juice inside, with Jameis Winston faring properly post-Drew Brees and the protection bringing the power.

Trick or Deal with: Trick
Sweet comparability: Warheads

Joe Decide is the robust man, however their struggle not often lasts. Daniel Jones has truly been stable for many of the yr, however he would not have the supporting solid or employees to do a lot.

Trick or Deal with: Trick
Sweet comparability: Circus Peanuts

Gross! Tasteless! Any person get the man who constructed this staff on the road, as a result of it is nonetheless a circus. Zach Wilson is shortly on monitor to change into Sam Darnold 2.0.

Trick or Deal with: Trick
Sweet comparability: Dum Dums

What are they doing we’ve not seen earlier than? Nick Sirianni and Jalen Hurts are good, shiny folks, however their team-up on the sector has been completely uninspiring.

Trick or Deal with: Trick
Sweet comparability: Old style molasses sweet

Large Ben is outdated.

Trick or Deal with: Trick
Sweet comparability: Cadbury Eggs

Very like the eggs making their enterprise on Easter, the 49ers have a coach who will get plenty of buzz for delivering only one season.

Trick or Deal with: Trick
Sweet comparability: Skittles

Russell Wilson at all times retains them colourful, however they’ve additionally change into so predictable in how they function on each side of the ball.

Trick or Deal with: Deal with
Sweet comparability: Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup

An outdated traditional with an everlasting contact, Bruce Arians, Tom Brady and the Buccaneers are silky easy once they must be.

Trick or Deal with: Deal with
Sweet comparability: Butterfinger

Crisp and highly effective, they only would possibly trip Derrick Henry all the way in which to an AFC South title.

Washington Soccer Group

Trick or Deal with: Trick
Sweet comparability: Almond Pleasure

They have some good substances, beginning with a veteran coach and promising defenders, however too typically their fill-in quarterback, Taylor Heinicke, will get nutty in crunch time.