Netflix’s ‘The Ultimatum’ Is A Great Idea For Couples

Honestly, I’m not usually a fan of Netflix’s reality TV shows. My elementary and middle school summers were filled with binge watches Taste love, Jersey Shoreand The real world, the early millennium series about dating, relationships, and (very intoxicating) friends and foes is setting off fireworks for its trashy but also gripping displays of cultural time. So series like Dating around and Twentysomethings: Austin leave something to be desired. Honestly, they’re boring.

Even ostentatious wedding day shows like Love is blind Don’t do it for me. I just can’t get past the 10 episodes where two people whisper to each other through an opaque glass wall.

Then I watched Finally: Marry or Continue. In contrast to the group of reality shows whose premise is rooted in crazy schemes designed to find someone to date or marry, Ultimatum designed to test the relationship you already have. It’s like a rumspringa relationship.

Ultimatum, which just wrapped up its vibrant first season on Netflix, brought together six couples, all in their mid to late twenties. On average, each couple has been together for about two years. And in every couple, one person gives the other an “ultimatum”: marry you (or we break up), move in with you (or we break up), or have kids with you (or we can break up with you). we break up).

The evil here is that the show asks the couples to take a break for the time being. It forces each of them to match up with another person on the show and then live with them for three weeks, before returning with their original partner for another three weeks. After that reunion, couples must decide: Get married or move on (take it?).

When the idea of ​​the show was first announced, people couldn’t fathom how crazy it seemed. If you have to beg your partner to get married, you probably shouldn’t marry them, right? And if your partner is entertaining the idea of ​​being with someone else, your relationship is definitely over.

I see your point, Twitter Reactor, TikTok commentators and the public. But listen to me. Ultimatum really a good idea.

This program is the equivalent of going through your man’s phone to see if he’s cheating. (Which of the participants actually did it in front of the camera.) You know that what you’re doing isn’t right and you know you’ll hurt your feelings, but that’s the information you need to know. . That’s right, we can point our fingers from the comfort of our homes, shouting into our TVs that these people don’t belong together (I’m so glad Jake and April heard my screams), But the longer you’re in a relationship, the more it starts to feel like a habit. And it takes a little effort to break a habit.

Even if you have problems with the specifics of Ultimatum Most of the participants claimed that they came from the experience of learning things about themselves.

(Warning: Vandals ahead.)

Take, for example, Zay and Shanique. In episode 4, Zay attacked Shanique because he believed she was making faces while he was trying to explain his feelings about his girlfriend, Rae. Shanique sets tough boundaries with him about how he talks to her, and after letting off some steam, he goes back to their shared apartment and apologizes to her.

Then we see Shanique argue with her boyfriend, Randall, and completely stone him. She didn’t listen, she talked to him, and she hung up. If you separate the shot of Shanique and Randall, you might come to the conclusion that Shanique is a terrible girlfriend, that her immaturity with Randall is indicative of what kind of person she is. But instead, since we’ve seen her with Zay, we know that Shanique To be Able to speak fluently with partners. Knowing this is crucial to being able to break the cycle of miscommunication with her original partner. This is something she might not be able to discover without her three-week temporary boyfriend.

Ultimatum not just entertainment for the rest of us to watch and discuss with friends. For the participants, it serves as a catalyst to create fundamental changes in a relationship that is caught in an unhealthy cycle of conflict.

And while many of us consider two years to be a crazy short time to force a decision about marriage (and rightfully so), it can also be a time in a relationship where everyone needs to make a decision. who started taking into account sunk costs. They may be scared to start over, and so they continue to be in a relationship that isn’t right for them. It might take something of a myth (say, a reality show hosted by Nick and Vanessa Lachey) to make a decision.

Even couples like April and Jake, and Rae and Zay, benefit from a pressure cooker Ultimatum. These people are definitely not meant to be together, and as Vanessa Lachey says in the reunion series, they’re better off finding out now than in a few years when they get married and have kids. The essence of the show is that they are forced to face the problems they have experienced.

However, while I think the cast of the first season Ultimatum As a phenomenon from an entertainment perspective, there’s a lot to be said for the messy relationships and social dynamics the show has created. For one thing, I cringe every time Madilyn tells the camera how “sexy” Randall is. And there are some uncomfortable racial dynamics in that love triangle, partly due to Madilyn’s uncanny emphasis on Randall’s sensuality and partly due to Randall’s comments about Shanique being too stubborn for Madilyn. Lauren’s decision to have no children was repeatedly challenged and was suggested by her partners, Nate, and Colby, that he could make her want children. And Zay’s short-tempered and irresponsible temperament is difficult to consider.

And like its less chaotic brother Love is blind (and to some extent, its horny cousin, Too hot to handle), the emphasis on relationships and marriage as the ultimate goal is an extremely confusing issue. Because Ultimatum and Love is blind in particular, forcing their contestants to get married at the end of an exercise can create unnecessary pressure on a relationship that could be beneficial after several months (or years) of dating.

One of the most serious failures of Ultimatum is the obvious exclusion of a relationship therapist. Instead, the contestants sat down with their partner’s friends and family. I promise you, if I walk into a firing squad where I’m defending myself against two or more people who aren’t automatically on my side, I’ll lose all the communication skills I’ve gained in those three weeks. . You know, an arrangement that doesn’t work when it makes me feel bad for Zay and Colby.

Speaking of Colby, his relationship with Madilyn, along with Nate and Lauren’s relationship during their brief tenure on the show, is bound to fail. It seems like couples don’t really learn anything before moving on to their relationship. To be honest, seeing Lauren “compromise” with having children and witnessing Madilyn heavily pregnant with Colby’s baby (which I anticipated right after Colby ambushed her with a kiss impromptu), I’m really sad. But at the end of the day, you can lead a horse to the water, but you can’t make it part with its cowboy hat dog.

All this being said, while the concept Ultimatum being messy, I happen to like messing around, both in reality TV and in my relationships. Diamonds are made under pressure, and all that. And if it breaks, it’s probably not a diamond to begin with.