My wife wants to pay for her financially reckless sister’s wedding. She told me I was selfish when I refused

Expensive Quentin,

My sister-in-law has by no means been good with cash. She has a good job, however for the ten years I’ve been with my spouse, she has all the time been broke. Anytime we see her, we cowl her prices for issues. We have now even given her money when she wanted assist with no expectation to be paid again. 

At Christmas, after we do a joint present for my in-laws, my spouse’s sister didn’t pay her half many instances all through the years. Now my sister-in-law is getting married and my spouse is the maid of honor. Final weekend, they checked out the reception corridor — and based on them, it simply isn’t good sufficient for a day my sister-in-law will all the time bear in mind. 

‘My spouse has determined to achieve out to different siblings to start out accumulating donations so we may give her the marriage she deserves.’

My spouse has determined to achieve out to different siblings to start out accumulating donations so we may give her the marriage she deserves. She has already determined how a lot we’ll contribute. Additionally, attributable to my spouse being the maid of honor and serving to plan the occasion, she has been shopping for decorations, saying the sister-in-law will “pay us again.”

I instructed my spouse I don’t assume we must be paying something for the marriage, and that I’m towards it. She stated we have now the means to make it particular for her, and acquired mad at me and stated I used to be egocentric. My spouse and I didn’t also have a “actual” wedding ceremony and now I’m contributing to her sisters. We’re not wealthy, however stay inside our means.

What do I do to make my spouse perceive her sister’s poor life selections aren’t our drawback? Or am I simply egocentric? 

Fed Up Brother-in-Legislation

You can electronic mail The Moneyist with any monetary and moral questions associated to coronavirus at, and observe Quentin Fottrell on Twitter.

Expensive Fed Up,

You could have sat by silently and watched your sister-in-law coast alongside whereas different folks decide up the tab. It has grated in your nerves for years. Now you might have determined to place your foot down, pull up the drawbridge, and say sufficient is sufficient. 

I’m sorry you and your spouse didn’t have the lavish wedding ceremony you’d have appreciated, however you may afford to assist her sister obtain that purpose. I don’t imagine now could be the time to show this sister-in-law a lesson about monetary planning and entitlement. 

Many individuals have bother paying for weddings, they usually don’t make the neatest selections to start out their new life. On this recent survey, 30% put at the very least a few of their prices on bank cards, whereas solely 60% say they paid for the marriage themselves.

On the large day, smile prefer it was the marriage you by no means had.

In case your spouse’s household has agreed to contribute to the marriage, contribute what everybody else has determined to offer. As maid of honor, your spouse needs to pay for the decorations. That’s a small value to pay, given the pleasure it’ll give your spouse.

Make it clear that when the marriage is completed and dusted, your sister-in-law and her husband might want to stand on their very own two ft — which you could’t proceed to bail her out, as a result of that might facilitate her conduct, fairly than forcing her to develop up.

On the large day, smile prefer it was the marriage you by no means had. Dance along with your spouse prefer it’s the primary day of your life collectively. Benefit from the meals and music, and inform your spouse what a form, beneficiant particular person she is and the way fortunate you’re to have married her.

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Extra from Quentin Fottrell: | My spouse needs to pay for her financially reckless sister’s wedding ceremony. She instructed me I used to be egocentric after I refused


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