Mena Suvari’s ‘The Great Peace: A Memoir’ Excerpt: ‘Meth Month’

Nineties It Lady Mena Suvari, who you acknowledge from vastly standard motion pictures American Pie and American Magnificence, is coming clear about her double life. In her new memoir, The Great Peace, the award-winning actor divulges intimate, transferring, and, at occasions, surprising particulars about her off-camera world—together with her teenage struggles with drug habit, her emotionally damaging relationships with older males, and the way the #MeToo motion in the end impressed her to share her expertise with the darkish facet of younger Hollywood fame. Under, learn the chapter “Meth Month” from Mena’s debut memoir, out right now.

Again residence, I met up with Gabby in the future in Burbank. She had a unique group of pals from Burbank Excessive, none of whom I had met earlier than. I guessed issues along with her had modified whereas I used to be off doing the film and hanging with Geoff and Franny, as a result of as a substitute of an off-the-cuff let’s-smoke-some-pot vibe, we ended up at one among her pals’ homes and the darkness reappeared.

There it was once more. I couldn’t imagine it. How had it discovered me right here in L.A.? Slowly however certainly it turned my life. After which it took over my life. The hours I used to be in school had been spent fascinated with getting out of faculty and performing some strains. I stayed up till late at night time, slept a pair hours, then repeated the day. Earlier than lengthy I used to be pulling out my small gold lacquered butterfly embossed compact mirror and snorting a line within the faculty lavatory throughout a break. Later, I sat up all night time taking part in eclectic indie rock on a big old-school boombox recorder Gabby had given me.

Part of meth made me hyper-aware, however there was that different half that was just like the darkish facet of the street, and it led on to paranoia. I spent a whole lot of the night time ready to listen to whether or not anybody was going to knock on my bed room door. Whereas I maintained my grades, my well being suffered. My whole again broke out in pimples. I’d at all times had excellent pores and skin. I knew it was the meth. And similar to earlier than with the contraception supplied in alternate for no questions requested, I used to be given antibiotics to make it “go away.”

The Nice Peace: A Memoir

Hachette Books

Years later, once I talked to my mom about this time when she left, she mentioned that I had advised her that I hated her. Possibly I did. On the time, I felt like nobody cared about me. The medication definitely didn’t assist. However I hadn’t wished to listen to the issues she had advised me about my father and I completely couldn’t deal with the scenario we had been presently in, so I in all probability did hate her for abandoning me to that scenario, though I didn’t need to.

I didn’t need to be at residence.

I didn’t need to see my father the best way he was at the moment. I wasn’t even certain who he was or had ever been.

I stayed out as a lot as I may. And stayed excessive as a lot as I may.

I nonetheless did every thing requested of me. Schoolwork. Auditions. Intercourse. Solely I needed to know the way fucked up I used to be getting day-after-day. I assumed I may, and may, endure in silence. This was clearly my destiny. I prayed somebody would throw me a lifeline. I used to be prepared each single day to be rescued. It by no means occurred.

In the future I scored some shit and went again to the residence. I sat on my carpeted bed room flooring in entrance of the sliding mirrored closet doorways and seemed on the baggie. There was a small quantity of powder in it, but it surely had a slight gray tinge that made me query it. Nonetheless, I reduce it up, exhaled, and abruptly inhaled it into my nostril. It had the burn I used to be just about used to, however as I sat there I noticed it had executed nothing. And I assumed, What the fuck did I simply put up my nostril?

A part of me was pissed as a result of I had spent cash on this and felt cheated. Then part of me was scared as a result of God solely knew what the hell I had simply snorted. Screw it—I dumped the baggie and promised to be extra cautious the following time about what I bought. That was good cash going to nothing.

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