Mac Miller’s book reveals his struggle with drugs and how he really feels about his relationship with Ariana Grande

Mac Miller felt invincible before he died.

At least, that’s what the 26-year-old confessed to a close friend after a near-fatal car crash in May 2018, when he jumped behind the wheel of his Mercedes-Benz G-Wagon. after a night of drinking and plowing. The luxury car crashed into a power pole.

One would assume that Miller, born Malcolm James McCormick, would be driven insane by such an imminent death. But the rapper’s friends said he appeared to be mostly to blame for the crash, feeling both confused and energized by his actions.

Miller admits he doesn’t know what caused him to fall off the pedals as he turned around the bend that night, but at the same time, he felt an inexplicable sensation he couldn’t reach.

“I don’t know why I did it, I don’t know what the hell I was thinking,” Miller told a friend as he smoked a cigarette. “I just feel invincible.”

It was only four months after the accident that Miller was found dead by his assistant at his Los Angeles home after an accidental drug overdose, which a toxicology report confirmed was caused by a mixture of cocaine laced with fentanyl, as well as alcohol.

Miller’s strange attitude around the car accident trapped – or rather haunted – his close friends after his death. It was the moment that many people mentioned the author Paul Cantor, whose biography Most Dope: The Extraordinary Life of Mac Miller, hits shelves on January 18, a day before the rapper turns 30.

Writing the book wasn’t easy for Cantor, a seasoned music journalist whose side quotes have appeared in Rolling Stone, New York Times, Mr., Advertising panel, and XXL. He’s been a fan of Miller since day one, almost literally, when an advertiser for Miller’s future record label sent Cantor a clip of the young rapper’s early music. age, to consult him.

Answering affirmatively that yes, Miller deserves a spot, Cantor watched over the years as the Pittsburgh MC’s profile rose through the ranks of hip-hop’s top names. Both have even crossed paths a few times. So as a fan, Miller’s sudden death caught Cantor off guard, just as it happened to the rest of the world. But it’s not just writing that Cantor finds challenging, as he’s also faced enormous opposition from the Miller family, who not only refused to be interviewed but also publicly put him in the blast in a family statement, encouraging fans of the rapper to stay away from the book.

This isn’t the first time the Miller family has publicly disparaged a project that affects the rapper’s legacy. In July, his brother, Miller McCormick, lashed out at a report that Machine Gun Kelly would star in a movie about a “struggling musician in his final days,” with sources Inspiration was taken from Miller’s life. The project was originally called “Good News”, apparently taken from Miller’s track of the same name on his posthumous album. Connected round. Shortly after news of the movie broke, McCormick tweeted, “Fuck, make mom’s movie, at least change the title.” (It is worth noting that the family supported Mac’s Books: Remembering Mac Miller, published in October and largely focused on the artistry of Miller’s albums.)

While Cantor admitted in an interview with The Daily Beast that his family’s objections took a toll, he remained undaunted in the end. “I really got a lot of support, contrary to what is being said about this book,” he said. “I had a lot of support from the people around him. Their support is, indeed, one of the reasons why I even pursue it. If they hadn’t been supportive from day one, I probably wouldn’t have made it. But they did, and that motivated me. ”

“One of his closest friends, I remember this very well, when we were actually talking about this particular subject, he said, ‘His story belongs to the world.’

The result is an insight into Miller’s life through the eyes of his friends and industry buddies, following the musician’s life journey as he quickly rose through the ranks from an amateur student. High school turned into a freelance star — someone who could call John Mayer for a guitar riff on his latest track, and who had a sucking Ariana Grande on his arm.

And for those looking for gripping details about Miller’s relationship with Grande, they’ll have to read elsewhere, as Cantor avoids invoking tabloid-style articles about a romance that spanned nearly two years. their year. The pair have a high profile relationship, largely due to Grande’s pop star status, and she’s been a rock for Miller, as the book reveals that he went into rehab for about three weeks on 2016, with Grande making a number of site visits.

Throughout their relationship, as Miller struggles to stay sober, there will be periods of him being MIA, with Grande growing increasingly concerned for his safety and urging his friends to try. Find out where he is. On the other hand, Miller supported Grande after the Manchester Arena bombings in 2017, flying back to her One Love Manchester concert venue to sing their hit duet “The Way” together.

Media interest seems to have only increased after the two split in early May 2018, with Grande quickly moving on with Saturday night live comedian Pete Davidson later that month. When Miller was arrested for crashing his car shortly after news of Grande’s new arrival, fans were quick to accuse her of pushing him over the edge.

Cantor said it’s clear what Miller and Grande have together is real and profound, but in terms of the consequences of their relationship, there’s a predictor factor related to the public’s assumptions about how Miller feels about Grande’s relationship with Davidson.

Cantor explained: “I think in the moment they were together, there was definitely something real. “You can see by the acts of discovery in the book that it is real. That’s why I don’t think, to his credit, he never said anything about it, other than that it was a good relationship while it lasted. He wanted to give it the dignity it deserved.

Cantor continued: “There is a story circulating online about his relationship that is probably not 100% accurate. “He has become a tabloid version of himself, and this is not what this guy is all about. He is a really insightful person and puts a lot of heart into his work. What was that line, ‘Writing is easy, you just open a vein and bleed?’ I mean, he was bleeding, all because of his music. ”

“I think he feels like he made it through [their relationship], and he’s taking care of himself, trying to be on a healthy path at the time, within the limits of whatever he’s dealing with. “

But the book delves into Miller’s substance abuse issues, Cantor says each source brings up the subject voluntarily. “I never asked anyone about drug use,” he said. “That’s what others have come up with. I’ll talk to people for two hours, before any of that comes out — they want to talk about it. “Well, we have to talk about this,” and then I usually let the subject lead it where they want to take it. “

Miller’s friends have long been concerned about the amount of drugs and alcohol he consumes, as well as the childlike eagerness with which he has tried everything from skinny to ecstasy.

For many people, Miller’s usage, though extreme, is part of his lifestyle, and often aids his creativity while making music. Others feel he is not really an addict but has gone through periods of intoxication. Miller himself even said that he doesn’t consider himself an addict, speak Rolling Stone in August 2018, a month before his death, “Have I used drugs? Yes. But am I a drug addict? Is not.”

But even if Miller and his friends categorize his usage as binge drinking, it’s still dangerously high. His longtime touring DJ, Clockwork, told Cantor that the rapper’s drug consumption hit an all-time high while making his 2014 mixtape. The faces. “I thought he could die any day,” he recalls. “I’ve never seen anyone do that before. I’ve seen bruh make all sorts of drugs to the point where the average person would overdose.”

It is difficult to assess exactly what Miller went through before his death. Many of his friends, including Grande, would allude to the demons he was secretly fighting. (“He’s the best guy ever, and he doesn’t deserve the demons he has,” she told Vogue in 2019.)

But no one can really pinpoint what is leading Miller to a downward spiral. Depression? A false story about his pain? Impostor syndrome? The pressures of fame? Did he just get caught up in the mindless, partying lifestyle of a young superstar? Maybe it’s all those little demons mixed together into one giant monster who regularly sits on Miller’s shoulder.

Each of his friends offered a different vantage point of the situation, but one thing seemed clear: Miller was intent on pushing the boundaries. Musically, he’s exploring new themes, such as pain and the struggles of mental health, with his album. Swimming, was released a month before his death. (Miller had plans for a companion album, Connected round, was finally released after posthumous in 2020.)

For Cantor, the book is not about the sensational details of Miller’s life and struggles, but shares a raw and honest description of the man – who he is, what he represents. for what and the legacy he left behind.

“I tried my best to respect life — I couldn’t change the truth,” he said. “But I can see under the hood [and] really trying to illustrate something more profound about someone. If I did that and someone chooses [the book] up and feel that they feel closer to this person and that makes them want to listen to their music again or explore it for the first time and really try to contextualize and understand who this person really is, I feel like I did what I set out to do. ”