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‘I don’t trust anyone!’ My fiancé wants me to share our house if I die, but I have a disabled adult son. Is this the type of man I should be?

I’m feeling cold about the marriage proposal I got this summer, and it’s all about the money. Wait, it was never really about money but what money handling represented. We have been together for over six years, and have bought a house together.

We are both paying for substantial renovations. Currently, the deed is considered “shared tenants” with my share of ownership transferred to a special needs trust to care for my adult disabled son.

My betrothed mentioned that after marriage, he believes that the right to survive automatically passes to him. I don’t think so, and the trust is written with words that exclude all other claims from any subsequent spouse or relative (having a nefarious father and sister and two wonderful stepchildren). and private care).

I am bothered that he will want to get rid of this great fortune to take care of my son in the future. Life experience has taught me not to imagine that people will take care of non-relatives forever.

His counter-argument is that he has no reasonable heir (he had a child he discovered late in life, and they were not in a real relationship). So if he dies first, I’ll be the one to benefit from him. This means that ultimately everything will go to taking care of my disabled son. I’m fine with this. It gives me peace of mind. He’s not okay because it doesn’t seem “fair”.

‘I’m reconsidering getting married’

If I die first, the trust entitles him to 10 years after my death and will give him 10 years of my mortgage payment (cash at his disposal). It’s just that if and when he sells, the trustees will act on behalf of the trust’s interests, and he’ll only get half of the equity, even if he stays for all 10 years. and the house appreciates immensely.

He thinks that’s not fair. I think I paid my fair share when I wanted to give him 10 years of payment. We discussed it and he wouldn’t budge. After we got married, he wanted me to rewrite the trust and rearrange the house. I’m thinking about getting married again. I worry it will greatly affect the care of my son. Who knows if we’ll sell this house before one of us dies? That can happen, but it’s not really a problem.

My fiancé is rich and doesn’t need to inherit a dime from me to live comfortably after my death. My son will betray his trust (recently he was denied Social Security so I’m helping out as much as I can). My love is sad because I don’t trust him to take care of my son if I die.

Please understand this: I believe NO! Too many things can happen. If home ownership goes to my son, it will be nearly impossible to outlast his inheritance (if we both die and he has everything, he will be able to live far away from home.) flowers without worry). Without it, he would be fine, but the trustees would have to be cautious.

The question is, do I agree to let my future spouse become the joint heir, or do I leave the marriage and keep everything in trust, which could ruin the relationship? my relationship? Am I potentially giving up my chance at happiness with my fiancé carelessly or are my worries well-founded?

Cold feet

Dear cold feet,

Your fiancé has enough money to support himself if you die before him. Your son may or may not be enough if you notify your fiance in advance, and your estate already belongs to your spouse. I believe 10 years of payments and survival for the same amount of time is fair.

But more importantly, your husband already agreed. Whether or not your relationship survives or fails is up to him – and whether or not he wants to change his goals now after you get married. One could argue, perhaps not very well, that he was using the wedding ring as leverage.

If you purchase this property as “joint tenants”, each person owns 50% and if one of you dies, you can leave your half to a third party. There is no right of survival of the other party on the deed. So you were correct, if that was indeed the arrangement with your fiancé.

‘He’s using the wedding ring as leverage.’

On the other hand, if you have a “joint tenancy with a right to survive,” each person has an equal or indivisible interest in the home, and if you die, your share will go to someone else listed. listed on the deed, in this case your companion. This can also be used for bank accounts and brokerage accounts.

Similarly, “total lease” is recognized in more than two dozen states as a form of joint ownership in which each partner, who in most cases must be married, owns an undivided portion. If one spouse dies, the surviving spouse becomes the sole owner of the property.

Back to your dilemma: Your fiancé is free to leave his share of the home to his estranged child, or the dogs and cats at home, if he chooses. He’s rich. You do not. It makes sense that you want to make sure your son never has to worry about his future. Your current arrangement should be fine.

Furthermore, I agree that people are notoriously unpredictable, and it’s never a good idea to let something happen, like this stepchild discovered after the death of his father. He’s shown you that he tends to take his word back. How can you trust him to do the right thing by your son now?

The less uncertainty surrounding your finances and future, the better. In the end, you are responsible for your adult son and smart to make sure that everything is black and white. Grasp gunmen. You both signed a legal contract. He may like it or lump it in. It was his choice.

You can email The Moneyist with any financial and ethical questions regarding the coronavirus at qfottrell@marketwatch.com and follow Quentin Fottrell on Twitter.

Payment procedures Moneyist’s personal Facebook group, where we seek answers to life’s toughest money problems. Readers write to me with all sorts of dilemmas. Post your questions, let me know what you’d like to know more about or consider on the latest Moneyist columns.

Moneyist regrets that he is unable to answer individual questions.

More movies by Quentin Fottrell:

My married sister is supporting our parents’ most precious possessions on her own. How do I stop her from robbing their house?
My mother asked my grandfather to sign a trust leaving millions of dollars for two nieces, alienating others.
My brother’s ex-fiancée is embezzling money from their business. How do we find hidden accounts?
‘Grandma just passed away, leaving behind a 7-figure fortune. Needless to say, things are getting messy’

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