How to grieve estranged family and friends over the holidays

A more specific way to remind yourself of past toxic holidays, says Durvasula, is to create a list of events, aggression, or other bad behavior that define those occasions. “When a person is in a state of melancholy at this point, they can look at this list,” she says. However, she says, don’t stop with a list of negative experiences. Durvasula also suggests that you create a “disagreement list” of all the things you can do differently to lift your spirits. “Ideas are expected instead of feared,” says Durvasula.