Chelsea Handler Says Her 3 Abortions Are Why America Needs Roe, on ‘Jimmy Kimmel Live’

It was a rare and opportune moment to have a woman host a late-night talk show. As previously planned, comedian Chelsea Handler began her show week as a replacement for Jimmy Kimmel just days after the Supreme Court ruled Roe v. Wade had fallen.

“I’ll be here all week,” Handler said at the beginning of her monologue. “Or at least until Republicans make it illegal for women to speak.”

She then joked that Kimmel is currently on vacation “to do whatever he wants with his body.” And then, “At this point, I probably would have more rights if my vagina was an AR-15.”

Overall, Handler took the opportunity to crack numerous jokes that the show’s regular host could never have cracked, including one about women deleting period tracking apps from their photos. “Because if they get an abortion, they worry that law enforcement could use the data to track and prosecute them,” she explained. “I also deleted my menstrual app, but mostly because I’m approaching menopause.”

The court decision, Handler said, made her a “very strong advocate for the pull-out method,” which she described as “when you pull Clarence Thomas out of the Supreme Court.”

“I figured who would ever marry a pig like Clarence Thomas,” she added, before pointing out Ginni Thomas’ rebellious tendencies. “That’s right, she’s been working behind the scenes to overthrow a democratic election. Isn’t it so nice when two disgusting and horrible people find each other? They are the ultimate power abuse couple.”

The whole thing was “particularly upsetting,” Handler said, considering that three of the six justices who voted to overthrow Roe were elected by a former president with “over a dozen allegations of sexual assault who lost the popular vote twice.” , was charged twice and attempted a coup for being a little fat big baby loser.”

Handler also spoke about Republicans, who still claim to be “pro-life” even as they do everything they can to make life harder for the very same children they claim are trying to “save” by banning abortion .

“Universal healthcare, that’s pro-life,” she said. “Restricting guns, that’s pro-life. Fighting climate change is also pro-life. Listen to doctors during a pandemic, even pro-life. Don’t force women to give birth like cattle. But your party is against all these things. Calling Republicans pro-life is like calling OJ Simpson pro-wife.”

And Handler made sure viewers knew she was speaking from experience as someone who had three abortions while in high school. “And if that sounds too extreme, let’s pretend I have two,” she joked.

“Because here’s the thing, this planet is a much safer place without me polluting it with my kids,” she concluded.

For more, listen to Chelsea Handler the last laugh podcast. Chelsea Handler Says Her 3 Abortions Are Why America Needs Roe, on ‘Jimmy Kimmel Live’


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