Carolyn Hax: Am I enabling my daughter who lives at home rent-free?

Punishing her depression by kicking her out or cutting off contact with the outside world (taking her phone/car) will only make her more isolated and erase her identity. Architecture and support in her life can help her get through these big changes. You need to sit down with her and talk about how she feels, what she wants (does she really want to go to school or is she confused about what’s going on?), and how to get her to go to school. may feel more invested in their lives. . For now, stop charging rent and set terms based on her cure and figure out what she wants: For example, she can continue to live at home, rent free, ONLY for x periods of time if she gets weekly therapy, joins a support group, continues to work and do housework, and takes a college course or two. If she works affordably, you can name her umbrella and insurance and make her responsible for paying those bills directly (i.e. not paying you) – that would Give her a little more self-control and start forming the habit of paying attention to when bills are due and the consequences when they aren’t paid on time. But the idea of ​​you taking them away from her or kicking her out of the house – this is punitive thought that will only make her dig deeper into this dark hole instead of providing her with a lifeline. to climb out of it. When she gets to a point where she becomes more involved in her life, you can discuss new terms regarding more financial responsibility.