Best Xbox Orphans of All Time, Ranked – FandomSpot

The Xbox brand has never been about waifus and romance.

Where PlayStation is home to JRPGs and fantasy epics featuring lots of attractive women, Xbox has always gravitated towards dark and gloomy storylines full of muscular dudebros pumping lead on aliens (or other dudes).

Still, some female runaways have won our hearts—not only with their beauty, but also with their strength, skill, and leadership.

And for this ranking, we list the most iconic Xbox orphans ever imagined.

10 Joanna Dark (Perfect Dark Zero)

Screenshot of Joanna Dark's cutscene from Perfect Dark Zero

I think it’s fitting to start the list with a heroine from an Xbox 360 launch title.

Special Agent Joanna Dark has been a major video game heartthrob since her first appearance in the original Perfect Dark for the N64, but she didn’t achieve her “final form” until Perfect Dark Zero.

For this new adventure, this agent has undergone a major overhaul.

Her hair went from light brown to bright orange, and she was given blonde highlights, giving her real anime-like appeal.

Looks regardless, Joanna remains an absolute ass, excelling as a marksman, hand-to-hand combatant, and pretty much anything else you can think of. She really is the “Perfect Dark”.

9. Lin (Sacred Series)

Screenshot of Lin's cutscene from Saints Row

Next we have a slightly lesser known but relevant girl from the original Xbox 360 exclusive Saints Row.

Lin is a badass Asian-American vixen who enjoys challenging the status quo.

She introduces herself as the best street racer in Chinatown, and when you ask why she’s not better known, her answer is clear: Because she’s a woman, and not even street racing is free of sexism.

As a lieutenant in the 3rd Street Saints, Lin’s cold personality allows her to get things done, no matter how difficult. Things like infiltrating a rival gang are a breeze for them.

Unfortunately, Lin doesn’t make it out alive – but it’s a pleasure to watch her throughout her run.

8th. Zoey (left 4 dead)

Zoey from the Left 4 Dead trailer screenshot

Many would see Zoey as the symbolic female character in the mostly male group of survivors in Left 4 Dead. But if you pay attention, you’ll see how good she really is.

Zoey is said to be an “everygirl” that every player can identify with.

She’s cool, deadly with an SMG, and unrivaled by any of her male companions.

She describes herself as a “funny, sexy brunette,” and I agree. She’s also a badass zombie killer, thanks to years of obsessively watching horror movies.

7. Elvira Gray (fable)

Elvira Gray from Fable cutscene screenshot

Microsoft isn’t exactly known for its exclusive fantasy role-playing games.

But what they have – the Fable franchise – is fantastic.

One reason is the freedom to choose your own heroic – or less heroic – path.

In romance, too, terrible decisions can be made – like courting and eventually marrying the seductive noblewoman Elvira Grey.

Lady Gray seized the seat of power in Bowerstone by murdering her own sister. You have the choice to ignore this and marry her anyway to become an accomplice in her conspiracy.

You’d be surprised how many thirsty heroes would choose to make you their waifu rather than, you know, be a decent person.

6. Rachel (Ninja Gaiden)

Rachel from Ninja Gaiden cutscene screenshot

The Ninja Gaiden series had a unique way of playing both sides of the console war. They first came out as Xbox exclusives and got expanded PlayStation 3 ports a few years later.

The PS3 expansions made the female supporting cast more prominent, but the original Xbox release gave Rachel all the screen time.

Dressed in full femdom gear, this blonde bombshell was an experienced devil slayer for the Holy Vigoor Empire.

Rachel and her sister were cursed to eventually become devils themselves. When we meet her, she is on her way to kill her now-transformed sister.

In the end, the ruthless facade peels away to reveal the emotional heart of a grieving sister who can’t bring herself to murder her beloved sister, devil or not.

If that doesn’t touch your heart, I don’t know what will.

5. Anya StroudGears of War

Anya Stroud from the Gears of War cutscene

In the post-post-post-apocalyptic world of Gears of War, only the most versatile and self-sufficient people have a chance to survive – and Anya Stroud is at the top of the list.

Originally a communications officer in the Army of the Coalition of Orderly Governments, Anya had to adapt quickly to meet any challenge that came her way.

When the Lambent emerged, she transitioned from operating the radio to hacking enemies into pieces – and with that out of the way, she rose through the ranks to become Prime Minister of the newly formed COG.

Soldier, politician, waifu and mother – the woman could do everything.

4. Spartan-458 (Dead or Alive 4)

Screenshot of Spartan-458 from Dead or Alive 4

To be perfectly honest, I almost put Master Chief on the list.

He’s not a woman, so he can’t be a waifu. But the love Xbox fans have for this armored crusader is unparalleled.

Luckily I found the perfect replacement:

Spartan-458, also known as Nicole.

This UNSC second-rate corporal, also a Spartan-II, became a character in Dead or Alive 4 after being trapped in a space-time “bubble” that sent her back to the 21st century.

There’s no telling what shooting and killing someone might do to the timeline, so Nicole fights with her fists to prevent anyone from messing with the futuristic technology sent back with her.

It’s a bit absurd, but undeniably representative of Xbox culture.

3. Kait Diaz (Gears of War)

Screenshot of Kait Díaz's cutscene from Gears of War

I’m a big fan of Anya Stroud. But her successor as the “main waifu” in Gears of War has undoubtedly earned her spot on this list.

Born long after defeating the Locust Horde, Kait grew up as an outsider due to her parents’ concerns about the authoritarian COG regime.

Despite this, she was open to listening to JD and Del when they met and saved them from execution by the Outsiders.

A born freedom fighter, she is also tender and eager to see the good in others.

Also, her hair is a bomb.

2. Liara T’Soni (Mass Effect)

Screenshot of Liara T'Soni from the Mass Effect cutscene

You may not remember, but Mass Effect has been sorely absent from Sony and Nintendo consoles for a long time.

The series is full of top-notch waifu material, but Liara T’Soni has led the pack from the start.

This intelligent and brave asari explorer-turned-hero saved the galaxy at a tender age of just over 100 years old – hardly an adult in asari terms.

She is a consummate badass and the best romance option for each gender in the first game. Besides, who doesn’t like hot blue alien waifus?

1. Cortana (Halo)

Cortana from Halo cutscene screenshot

Speaking of hot blue waifus from outer space…

Cortana is simply the ultimate Xbox waifu.

In fact, it’s the best Microsoft waifu ever.

If you’re reading this from a Windows PC, it’s probably right there on your toolbar.

Initially, this AI simply rode along on the Master Chief’s helmet, serving as both guide and supporting character. She became the main female character of the Halo series and eventually the main antagonist – a bittersweet character arc, to say the least.

Even then, the love for this hyper-powerful AI never waned – which is why Microsoft named its language assistant after her. Best Xbox Orphans of All Time, Ranked – FandomSpot


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