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55 Thoughts I Had While Rewatching ‘The Twilight Saga: New Moon’

Photograph: Alamy Inventory Photograph

I do know, I do know, we simply systematically went by means of each massive and small plot level of the original Twilight movie; however—glutton for punishment that I’m—I simply can’t stop Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson as a besotted schoolgirl and sparkly vampire, respectively. Let’s see what these loopy children (plus Taylor Lautner as Jacob) rise up to within the second installment of the Twilight franchise, lets?

  1. Oh, wow, that could be a very massive moon filling the display screen. Appears applicable.
  2. Bella’s hair has grown for the reason that final film, however Edward is as glittery as ever. They’re in a area with…Bella’s grandmother? Oh, wait, it’s really future Bella. 
  3. Why does Bella’s dad all the time look so acquainted to me? I might IMDb him, however I gained’t.
  4. Bella’s at college, promising to do her buddy’s homework (weak) if he and the remainder of her buddies pose for photos to make her mother assume she has a full, well-rounded life and isn’t all the time off cavorting with vampires.
  5. Whoever determined to make Edward nearly all the time method Bella in slow-mo is a genius.
  6. It’s Bella’s birthday, and he or she’s all freaked out about getting older. Honey, you’re 18 and you’ve got an undead boyfriend; chill out.
  7. Oh hey, it’s Jacob! There’s apparent pressure between him and Edward, and Bella makes enjoyable of how jacked he’s, which is impolite.
  8. Jacob offers Bella a dreamcatcher for her birthday, which pisses Edward off. Cough, possessive loser, cough.
  9. “Bella, you give me the whole lot simply by respiration,” says Edward, which…vom. Think about me Staff Jacob.
  10. It actually by no means fails to make me snort how a lot white pancake make-up is utilized to the Cullens to distinguish them from the non-vampires. Sadly, they simply seem like me in eighth grade earlier than I had found out my appropriate shade of concealer.
  11. Query: Why do the Cullens go to highschool? If I had been an of-age vampire, I might merely vibe.
  12. Bizarre-ass Shakespearean-adjacent flashback scene. Hmm.
  13. It’s time for Bella’s birthday celebration! I neglect, is Rosalie nonetheless being a bitch to her?
  14. Sure, Rosalie continues to be being a bitch to her.
  15. Ah, Bella cuts herself opening one in every of her items and all of the vampires freak out, particularly Jasper, as a result of they <3 blood. Edward…throws Bella right into a stack of plates?
  16. Edward apologizes for making an attempt to kill his girlfriend, to which she responds, “I don’t need regular. I need you.” Ugh. So glad a era of teenage ladies grew up internalizing this message.
  17. OMG, Edward completely dumps Bella. He clearly doesn’t wish to, however he and the Cullens are getting out of Forks, which…honest.
  18. Bella runs off to the forest and will get misplaced, then discovered and saved by a ripped dude whose identify I neglect.
  19. It’s Sam! Sam is the ripped dude.
  20. That is the a part of the e book that Stephenie Meyer simply legit left clean. Iconic.
  21. Ugh. Breakups are the worst. I really feel you, Bella. I imply, not on the “creepy older vampire” factor, however, , heartbreak usually.
  22. Bella goes procuring with Jessica, a.ok.a. my angel Anna Kendrick, however she doesn’t purchase something, as a result of she’s famously not like the opposite ladies.
  23. Some creepy motorbike guys attempt to hit on the women, and Bella toys with hazard, presumably in an try and get Edward to re-notice her. Sadly, this time, he doesn’t magically present up out of nowhere as she cruises on some dude’s bile.
  24. God, Anna Kendrick’s line supply on this film is so good.
  25. Bella brings Jacob and his lengthy, beautiful, flowing hair a few crappy previous bikes to repair up. Romance is brewing!
  26. Jacob’s buddies present as much as razz him for hanging out with a woman, however they’re clearly sweeties, and Bella is definitely having enjoyable with a non-vampire. We like to see it!
  27. Sadly, Bella’s nonetheless having screaming nightmares. 🙁
  28. Apparently, Sam is an enormous deal on the reservation and is attracting plenty of followers, which annoys Jacob. Methinks some extra non-human stuff is afoot!
  29. Bella is hooked on getting injured. She additionally tells Jacob “You’re form of lovely,” which…good line, queen.
  30. Again at the highschool, all the new goss is about hikers being killed by a neighborhood bear. Hmm!
  31. Bella goes to the flicks together with her buddies, however everybody bails besides Mike and Jacob, and issues immediately get bizarre.
  32. Mike has to barf on the violent film, and Jacob owns him for it. Imply!
  33. Bella is being Little Miss Combined Indicators with Jacob, who says he’s not going to surrender, even supposing I personally assume he ought to. It’s nearly as if I’m not on this film.
  34. Jacob is “actually scorching”—not in that approach, pervs—and begs off, saying he has a fever. Bella is informed he has mono, however she’s not allowed to go to.
  35. Oh, wow, begin “ripped Jacob with haircut being pissed off within the rain” sequence. He doesn’t know what’s taking place to him, however he’s nonetheless sanguine sufficient to make enjoyable of the Cullens.
  36. Bella will get friend-dumped by Jacob, solely furthering her heartbreak and repeated fantasies about flirting with Edward of their meadow.
  37. Hey, it’s Laurent, the French vampire! Bella lies and tells him the Cullens are nonetheless round, as a result of a imaginative and prescient of Edward tells her to. Okay.
  38. Laurent explains that his evil pal Victoria desires to kill Bella, as a result of Edward killed her mate, and honest is honest. Bella threatens Laurent, however he sees proper by means of it.
  39. Wolves (spoiler alert, the “bear” was wolves!) chase Laurent away, however Bella’s dad will not consider what she noticed.
  40. For somebody who’s supposedly fearing for her life, Bella does an terrible lot of touching of Jacob’s abs.
  41. Jacob explains that his tribe, the Quileute, are supposedly descended from wolves and might shape-shift. (Hmm.)
  42. Bella goes to hang around with the wolf males, and sees one in every of them shape-shift proper in entrance of her after she pisses him off. Rattling, even dangerous CGI is extraordinarily cool, I need to say.
  43. We meet Emily, Sam’s fiancee, who has clearly been mauled, and study that Sam is the alpha wolf, and that the wolves have been collectively making an attempt to run off the dangerous vampires for some time. Additionally, wolves could also be quicker than vampires. Rattling!
  44. Bella and Jacob stroll on the seashore and he or she tries to persuade him to be nonviolent, but it surely doesn’t appear to be working.
  45. Face-off between wolves and Victoria! That’s one struggle I might not wish to be in.
  46. Oh God, I forgot that Bella actually tries to leap off a cliff so as to reunite with actual Edward, however imaginary Edward convinces her to not.
  47. Oh, she, like…really does it. She’s tremendous, although, and all smiley after her cliff-dive, wanting very post-breakup aglow for about one second till the waves take her out.
  48. As soon as once more, Bella is rescued, this time by Jacob. (Shock!)
  49. Issues nearly get steamy between Bella and Jacob, however then the Cullens reappear. First Alice, who thought Bella was absolutely useless on account of a imaginative and prescient of her leaping off a cliff. Honest!
  50. Alice is a complete B about Jacob and the remainder of the wolves, as a result of there’s apparently some intercommunity rivalry between wolves and vampires. You study one thing new day-after-day.
  51. IDK, am I loopy to assume there’s some sexual pressure between Alice and Jacob?
  52. Ooh, Romeo and Juliet vibes! Edward thinks Bella died, so he’s going to the Volturi (scary Italian vampires) to attempt to die, too.
  53. Bella tracks down Edward in Italy, the place he tells her, “I simply couldn’t reside in a world the place you didn’t exist.” Sorry, however ew.
  54. Bella tries to sacrifice herself for Edward (R&J, child! Lastly, ninth grade English is paying off!), however the Volturi decree she should both be killed or reworked right into a vampire. Guess which one she chooses?
  55. Okay, so principally, Bella could be became a vampire if, and provided that, she marries Edward. I hear wedding ceremony bells! Meet again right here for the subsequent installment?

https://www.vogue.com/article/twilight-saga-new-moon-55-thoughts-i-had | 55 Ideas I Had Whereas Rewatching ‘The Twilight Saga: New Moon’

Linh

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